The best part of Son-Rise is that it is child led. That means that Danniah chooses what she wants to do all the time. We use whatever her motivation is to encourage her to move forward. Some people hear that and scoff, "well if she's always doing what she wants, how is she ever going to move forward?" Allowing her full control and moving forward are not mutually exclusive. Son-Rise has brilliant methodology. There is a time for joining and a time for building and it is important to know the difference.
When a child is engaged in exclusive, repetitious behavior (what Son-Rise refers to as an 'ism') we sit about 2-3 feet away and join them, while always celebrating eye contact and watching for green lights that we use to inspire growth. Joining is not simply mimicking whatever Danniah might be doing: it is much more than that. It is really being present in the moment, while appreciating and trying to give yourself the same experience that she is giving herself. I vividly remember being at the Start Up training when Bryn had us all ism together. We all stood up, closed our eyes and swayed back and forth. Then we patted our hands rhythmically on our thighs for a bit. Then we repeated three names over and over again "Dylan, Abdullah, John." Then we put all three together. 88 of us swaying, patting our thighs, repeating "Dylan, Abdullah, John," all in rhythmic sync. When we stopped, Bryn polled everyone in the room about what it felt like for each of us. Every single answer was some variation of, "Grounding" "Centering" "Meditative" and "Peaceful." By giving us that experience, Bryn helped us all understand at the most fundamental of levels just how important our children's isms are. It is how they ground and comfort themselves in a world of sensory overload that often feels chaotic, overwhelming and difficult to understand. Isms create safety. They are predictable where people are unpredictable. Once you realize that, you suddenly have a profound appreciation for just how mean it is to not let a child ism.
When a child is engaged in exclusive, repetitious behavior (what Son-Rise refers to as an 'ism') we sit about 2-3 feet away and join them, while always celebrating eye contact and watching for green lights that we use to inspire growth. Joining is not simply mimicking whatever Danniah might be doing: it is much more than that. It is really being present in the moment, while appreciating and trying to give yourself the same experience that she is giving herself. I vividly remember being at the Start Up training when Bryn had us all ism together. We all stood up, closed our eyes and swayed back and forth. Then we patted our hands rhythmically on our thighs for a bit. Then we repeated three names over and over again "Dylan, Abdullah, John." Then we put all three together. 88 of us swaying, patting our thighs, repeating "Dylan, Abdullah, John," all in rhythmic sync. When we stopped, Bryn polled everyone in the room about what it felt like for each of us. Every single answer was some variation of, "Grounding" "Centering" "Meditative" and "Peaceful." By giving us that experience, Bryn helped us all understand at the most fundamental of levels just how important our children's isms are. It is how they ground and comfort themselves in a world of sensory overload that often feels chaotic, overwhelming and difficult to understand. Isms create safety. They are predictable where people are unpredictable. Once you realize that, you suddenly have a profound appreciation for just how mean it is to not let a child ism.
Bryn Hogan getting her 3Es on while teaching Start Up
So, yes, where other types of programs endeavor to interrupt or stop an 'ism' because they view it as something negative, Son-Rise recognizes its importance and turns it around. "You love it; I love it." We are sending the all important message that "I love you and I like what you like." When you remember that the first step in building a real relationship is finding common ground it makes even more sense. With this realization you can now fully appreciate the importance of the 'ism,' for it truly is the bridge that brings you together. We cross that bridge to enter, appreciate and embrace her world, and she will cross that same bridge to more fully enter our world. Celebrate the ism!!
But suppose she doesn't want you to join her. Then what do you do? That most certainly happens! Sometimes we will get a firm "NOPE!" or "No thank you!" When that happens we move away a little bit, we become softer, quieter. We make sure we have our own set of the same or similar materials. If she takes our set away, that's okay, we freely relinquish what we have and then we play with an imaginary set. If for some reason that still isn't okay we might say, "what? I don't have anything. I just love you and want to be with you." If that doesn't work then we sit quietly and imagine as vividly as possible that we are whole heartedly participating. We imagine, using each of our senses, what the activity feels like for us. Where ever we can say "yes," we say "yes!" in Son-Rise.
But suppose she doesn't want you to join her. Then what do you do? That most certainly happens! Sometimes we will get a firm "NOPE!" or "No thank you!" When that happens we move away a little bit, we become softer, quieter. We make sure we have our own set of the same or similar materials. If she takes our set away, that's okay, we freely relinquish what we have and then we play with an imaginary set. If for some reason that still isn't okay we might say, "what? I don't have anything. I just love you and want to be with you." If that doesn't work then we sit quietly and imagine as vividly as possible that we are whole heartedly participating. We imagine, using each of our senses, what the activity feels like for us. Where ever we can say "yes," we say "yes!" in Son-Rise.
"Saying "no" a lot is a sign of an over controlled child." When I first heard that at Start Up, I felt a sense of profound sadness, because Danniah has said "no" a lot to joining her isms. It made sense, however. ABA and VBA are well known behavioral therapies for autism and they are essentially all about getting the child to conform...so is school. Even FloorTime, which we have also done, interrupts isms. She spent two years doing what everyone around her wanted her to do. "Do this, do that, sit here not there, touch this not that, get this, go there." were, I'm sure, many of the directives she heard in a day (and probably still hears when not at home).Can you imagine for a second how all of that can send the profound message of "you're not okay" to a child? Heartbreaking to think that any child ever feels like they don't measure up. And, no wonder she would want us all to buzz off when she could finally let go, relax and ism.
Hearing Bryn talk about that aspect gave me a profound sense of appreciation for just how little control she has had in her own life. That needed to change! Without comprehensive reciprocal language she has been limited in her ability to tell us how she feels or what she needs. But when she scripts or isms she is telling us that she is anxious, overstimulated, bored, in need of a break. Where ever she can have control, let's give her control! And that is the beautiful thing about Son-Rise. It is a YES program. In fact, it is a YES, THANK YOU program! You want all the blocks? Take all the blocks! You want all the Barbies? Have all the Barbies! You want me to be quiet while you script Elmo? I'm quiet! Script Elmo! We are just going to be right here loving, accepting and appreciating every single thing there is about you!
Hearing Bryn talk about that aspect gave me a profound sense of appreciation for just how little control she has had in her own life. That needed to change! Without comprehensive reciprocal language she has been limited in her ability to tell us how she feels or what she needs. But when she scripts or isms she is telling us that she is anxious, overstimulated, bored, in need of a break. Where ever she can have control, let's give her control! And that is the beautiful thing about Son-Rise. It is a YES program. In fact, it is a YES, THANK YOU program! You want all the blocks? Take all the blocks! You want all the Barbies? Have all the Barbies! You want me to be quiet while you script Elmo? I'm quiet! Script Elmo! We are just going to be right here loving, accepting and appreciating every single thing there is about you!
Guess what? It works! Danniah has one particular ism where she will go through a stack of DVDs, either reading the titles out loud, signing or scripting to the individual DVDs. Initially when we tried to join her, we got a very angry "NO!" Even when we attempted to pretend and only mouth words we were forbidden to do so. Now we can pretend with her and lately we can whisper or even say the words right along with her. Instead of a scowl, we get a curious smile. Other times we can use a stack of books to join her...and when we get green lights, we've even been able to inspire growth (more about that another day). Just yesterday Meghan was able to participate in Danniah's ism by handing her the DVDs --that would have been unheard of just two weeks ago. If you look at the last two pictures, you'll see Meghan joining in a very quiet way as Danniah tries on her purple light up dreadlocks. She has a relaxed posture, a pleasant smile and her gentle, loving energy was unmistakable. Look at what happens next. In the next picture, not only is Meghan sporting her own maroon hair extensions, but Danniah gave her a green light allowing Meghan to inspire growth by building and initiating interaction. Participation and interaction in what began as a very solitary, don't-even-think-about-joining-me activity.
Son-Rise is an absolute blast! Danniah is genuinely excited to see each volunteer when they arrive and it is so much fun watching her build relationships. It is just as much fun to watch our phenomenal volunteers learn how to harness Danniah's motivation and begin to work magic with it.
With gratitude,
Monika
Son-Rise is an absolute blast! Danniah is genuinely excited to see each volunteer when they arrive and it is so much fun watching her build relationships. It is just as much fun to watch our phenomenal volunteers learn how to harness Danniah's motivation and begin to work magic with it.
With gratitude,
Monika