I had a fantastic consult with William last week. You know when your mojo just needs a little boost? Yeah, that's where I was at. What a boost I got! William made some fantastic points about Joining and about Son-Rise that really made me think. It also made me realize some very subtle things about joining that are so important.
One of my favorite points that William made was, "So many people think that the playroom is Son-Rise. The playroom isn't Son-Rise. You are Son-Rise. It is your attitude, love, acceptance and perception that make up Son-Rise and create the healing force." That could not be more true! The dialogue process was lovely. I had the opportunity to explore a situation that I have not been thrilled with. I've also not been thrilled with the fact that I can't really change it. Although I was initially stumped, I really appreciated his question, "I understand that this is the situation that you are in and that it is not the situation that you want to be in. But it is the situation that you are in, so why hate it?" Heh. Interesting. After some exploration I began to understand what he was really talking about. If I'm angry, frustrated or hating a situation, I'm sending a message to Danniah that will make her feel uneasy or unsure. That is never the goal. Instead if I can hold the fact that I want the situation to be different, but it is the situation we are in right now and essentially say to her, "here we are! Have the best time while you're here!" then I am setting her up to feel comfortable and happy, even if the situation is far from perfect. Son-Rise definitely happens outside of the playroom.
The four points I really took away from my consultation were 1. Always respond to the first "no" 2. You are Son-Rise, not the playroom. It's the loving acceptance that makes it all work 3. when you join have your own experience and don't stare at her waiting. Just glance up, celebrate eye contact when you get it and build at all the green lights. 4.Have a plan for a game that you might want to try when you get a green light.
One of my favorite points that William made was, "So many people think that the playroom is Son-Rise. The playroom isn't Son-Rise. You are Son-Rise. It is your attitude, love, acceptance and perception that make up Son-Rise and create the healing force." That could not be more true! The dialogue process was lovely. I had the opportunity to explore a situation that I have not been thrilled with. I've also not been thrilled with the fact that I can't really change it. Although I was initially stumped, I really appreciated his question, "I understand that this is the situation that you are in and that it is not the situation that you want to be in. But it is the situation that you are in, so why hate it?" Heh. Interesting. After some exploration I began to understand what he was really talking about. If I'm angry, frustrated or hating a situation, I'm sending a message to Danniah that will make her feel uneasy or unsure. That is never the goal. Instead if I can hold the fact that I want the situation to be different, but it is the situation we are in right now and essentially say to her, "here we are! Have the best time while you're here!" then I am setting her up to feel comfortable and happy, even if the situation is far from perfect. Son-Rise definitely happens outside of the playroom.
The four points I really took away from my consultation were 1. Always respond to the first "no" 2. You are Son-Rise, not the playroom. It's the loving acceptance that makes it all work 3. when you join have your own experience and don't stare at her waiting. Just glance up, celebrate eye contact when you get it and build at all the green lights. 4.Have a plan for a game that you might want to try when you get a green light.
Let me revisit number 3. The whole having your own experience while joining somehow managed to escape me. I had been joining by doing what she was doing, but mostly I was watching her too much, almost as if I were desperate for a green light. When I would say what she was saying, she would shush me pretty quickly. Suddenly, a combination of what William said and observations of a brand new volunteer made it all fall into place for me. As Danniah ismed with her books, I felt myself relax. I picked up a different book and began to read and enjoy it. Previously I had been turning the pages in sync with her, but to be honest, I wasn't really looking at the pictures. I was too busy watching her, waiting to celebrate eye contact or build at a green light. But in this new moment, I was really enjoying the book and its brightly colored pictures. While Danniah was scripting to her book, instead of using her script as I had been, I very simply in a whisper read a couple of pages out loud. I'd glance up every so often. When I caught her eye I'd celebrate in various ways. A point to my eyes, a thumbs up, a verbal thank you, a happy look... When I got a green light I'd invite her to engage. I felt completely connected with her. I wasn't "needing" a green light. I wanted them, but I didn't "need" them and that completely changed the whole dynamic and made it so much better. Danniah was more relaxed and open. I felt completely content and as a result she let me join her more fully than ever before while she ismed. It finally clicked! I finally understood the difference between imitating while needing a green light and truly joining and enjoying my own experience while "monitoring" for green lights! And that made all the difference in the world.
I shared this realization with all of our volunteers. One of them, Alyssa C., noted, "to her it's probably like you're just sitting there reading books together." We both laughed. That was exactly it! She hit the nail on the head! She then said, "sometimes it's the little things that are so important and make all the difference." She is so right about that!
Joining is about syncing into the situation, enjoying it, having wants without needing them. Check out the short video below. Raun and Bears join each other as they get to know one of their staff member's babies. They are in sync, enjoying their own experience. Notice how Bears looks up occasionally and checks in with Raun as he continues moving and chanting. It's being fully present in the moment, enjoying every aspect of the moment that creates a beautiful symphony that moves a relationship to new heights.
I shared this realization with all of our volunteers. One of them, Alyssa C., noted, "to her it's probably like you're just sitting there reading books together." We both laughed. That was exactly it! She hit the nail on the head! She then said, "sometimes it's the little things that are so important and make all the difference." She is so right about that!
Joining is about syncing into the situation, enjoying it, having wants without needing them. Check out the short video below. Raun and Bears join each other as they get to know one of their staff member's babies. They are in sync, enjoying their own experience. Notice how Bears looks up occasionally and checks in with Raun as he continues moving and chanting. It's being fully present in the moment, enjoying every aspect of the moment that creates a beautiful symphony that moves a relationship to new heights.
With Gratitude,
Monika
Monika